Negotiation

Listening skills are key

May 25, 2009

It’s a tricky business listening. I have been working with a client for four years. In this time he has dissolved an unsuccessful partnership that had worked well in his teenage years but he had out grown his partner in ambitions – it wasn’t easy winding it up unwillingly on one side. What did we learn –
1 – You have to listen to the other side
2 – You have to make sure they are listening to you
3 – When they don’t do the things that they have promised you have to take action and do them, for both your benefit and theirs.

HOWEVER you still have to do this in an amicable, wise and sensible way for a win win.

Now I have been asked to provide some listening coaching around his team so they can sharpen their business skills.

Here are my tip top tips for tip top listening –
1 – Put yourself in a listening state both physically and mentally. Listening body language is upright, open arms and a slight tilt of the head.
2 – Write down your goals and list (physically or mentally) the questions you want answering. The quality of the questions you ask – determines the quality of the answers you get
3 – Ask and shut up. Be interested not interesting. Shut up means not only – “not talking” but not thinking about other things while the other person is talking. Mirror and match their body language, voice speed and language they use.
4 – Poor listeners talk too much. It can be a competition to get a word in with Rich sometimes. I have to either tell him to stop talking or I talk over him to see if he gets it. However this will take him on to even higher levels of listening when he has mastered it.
5 – When you are listening to someone who is rambling, or not making themselves clear. Then you have to help them sharpen up their thought process. In my head I always want to say to them “What’s your point” however you might soften it to, where are we going with this or can I help you resolve it.
6 – Remember women often want to talk about things and don’t want them fixed, whereas men want to fix things (see Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)
7 – Finally remember the saying – most people need a good taking to – actually it should really say most people want a good listening to. (See How to Win Friends and Influence people)

A councillor friend of mine says – be careful if you stop listening to your wife, because someone else might start listening to her.

LISTEN is an anagram of SILENT – Ask and stay silent.

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