Negotiation

Performance Psychology

Negotiating with bullies

May 20, 2011

There have been a lot of news in the papers recently about bullies who have been found out. Sir Fred Goodwin who obtained a super injunction to avoid an affair he was having with  a senior member of RBS staff. Dominque Strauss Kahn the head of the IMF and the Chief Executive of Suffolk County Council.

We all have to handle bullies at some stage and it is not easy. I call it negotiating with bullies because they have to believe they have got their own way, they need to win to belong and feel important. They always get found out at some stage or they have a nasty shock and have to change their behaviour.

There are three ways of handling bullies – 1 – Do nothing, but we suffer

2 – Find out what they want and if it is easy do it. Swim with the flow the direction the river is going not against it. Sometimes you will have to sit down and help them clarify what they want because they are unhappy people, as they might be out of their depth, out of their comfort zone and not good at dealing with people. However if you cant avoid them then you have to deal with it.

Bullies only respect people who stand up to them, but that doesn’t mean taking them on. It means finding out what the real issues are and handling these issues. I once worked for a bully boss who objected to me playing golf with clients even though this was an amazingly effective way of getting business. I found out that he wanted to play golf and when I invited him to come along; he loved it and that was OK. I needed help with a mentor, thinking out the box to discover this. So make sure you have regular meetings with the “bully” and clarify their needs, their real needs. If you cannot understand what they want you to do, keep clarifying. If it is the wrong thing for the firm. make your case why – and choose your time to present the case. Not at a time when they might throw their toys out of the pram, which bullies often do. Maybe you need to email it to them at a time when they can’t immediately respond. The pro’s and con’s of the case – the strengths and weaknesses with an alternative suggestion. Offer solutions with well reasoned arguments.

3 – If it still doesn’t work keep trying but start looking for another job. Whose life is it and you only get one shot. However don’t make hasty decisions because the bully may only be days away from being sacked. Who knows.

However remember that you will always come across bullies in life so learning how to handle is a key negotiation skill. It’s not what happens to you it’s how you handle it.

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